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Today, I told someone I would die before I was able to turn 18. She laughed and said I was ridiculous. I laughed too. But that’s because I was finally comprehending just how many people think I’m alright.

I don’t even know what to say. The things i’ve been finding out.. Are incredible. Not only did so many not really ever give a fuck about me, many have been lying to my face. And using me. A lot of people, have left me behind. Walked away, just when i really needed someone. One too many walked away, so i have shoved everyone out. And now, they use that as an excuse. No. That’s not how it went. I pushed people out AFTER they decided to walk away when i needed them most. My life has collapsed, my reasonable mind has all but vanished. All I can think is: But, why not? Don’t cut? But..  Why not? Don’t kill yourself. But.. Why. Not. Don’t cry. But why fucking not. Don’t hurt yourself. But. Why. The. Hell. Not. It has been a long ass time since i have ever owed anyone anything. But ya know what? I’d like to apologize.For being complicated, broken, tired, and fragile. I dont want anything to do with anyone right now. But, the funny part is, it seems no one else wants anything to do with me either. Fathers day is getting closer and closer, and not one person has even taken a step  to try and calm me on the subject. I call family. What do they do? “Oh.. I’m sorry.. Well i have to go. But you’ll be okay.” Right. Thanks. Fuck you too. I’m done with trusting people, i’m done with caring, i’m done with feeling, i’m done with  dealing. If you aren’t doing a damn thing to try and help, then don’t you fucking dare say ANYTHING negative towards me for hurting myself. Don’t be upset with me, don’t be mad at me. Because if i tried talking to anyone i was either ignored, i was blown off, got yelled at, ooorrr there was a pretty good goddamn reason why i did not contact you. This isn’t even to anyone in particular. I suppose this is to everyone. But one thing for sure. If you don’t show that you give a fuck about me, don’t expect me to do the same for you. I’m done being someone elses cure, while they’re just simply adding to my diseased mind.